/ One team, Our family.

Monday, August 10, 2009

She starts the workdays with the same old line
I’m off to heaven and I’m seeing u tonight
Watch the car pull out the drive
Never imagine, never once crossed my mind
It was the last time I would ever see your face
But I’ll always remember how she says

I’m off to heaven
And I’ll see u tonight
I daydream about u
And that’s how I spend my time
When I’m away
But it’s only for awhile
I’m off to heaven
And I’ll see you tonight

The world around me seem to crumble that day
When I got the call
She passed away
She’s far away now
In a brand new place
With each passing moment
I can almost hear her say

I’m off to heaven
And I’ll see u tonight
I daydream about u
That’s how I spend my time
When I’m away
But it’s only for awhile
I’m off to heaven
And I’ll see u tonight

I’m off to heaven
And I’ll see u tonight

i know rene told me to write about how we're growing up and all that, but i guess i'll postpone it to a later date since i found something i wanna share about.

this is a song written by kevin skinner for his grandma when she passed away. listening to the song, it makes me tear as it is so pure and genuine.

many a times, we are surrounded by people whom we do cherish enough. and most of the time, we are spending more time with people we are not really close with than those that are close to your heart. some of us, loathe the time we spend with our families, though we do not know it. we find that we are better off using that time to do other things like using the computer, school work or even working outside, anything but just not spending time with family.

why?

the is no reason. the only possible explanation is that we do not think that they will leave us anytime soon. Just like the song goes, "never imagined, never once crossed my mind". It never occurs to us that one day, the people around us will one by one disappear.

my grandma passed away at one of my most trying times. for me, it was more of a additional hurt rather than a fresh one, and it does not help that in recent years, i have spoken to my grandma only for a couple of times.

She was the one who fed me when i'm young, played with me, protected me. but over the years, the adolescent child pushed her further and further away. and every time i want to close that gap, i have nothing to say to her, at most just the basic few questions. i'm ashamed to have done so, to have caused such a thing to happen.

looking back, i remember of the many times my parents would tell me how happy my grandma would be to see me. to see that young child she raised since young. but until when she was unable to speak much, then i began to talk to her.

that night, just before her death, while she was unconscious, i told her of the problems i was going through. the things that were slowly eating me up. she was the first person i actually confided in. but what's the point? it was all too late already. i reached home in the wee hours of the morning, unable to sleep, i sat on my bed. before long, a phone call came with the news that shes gone.

i cried.

for a brief moment, i just did not care about anything else, despite all the hurt and pain i'm going through. i cried to numb the feeling of helplessness in my heart. i just want to run away from everything and be gone. when the tears dried itself, i slept.

this wound, has since became a scar. painless upon touch. but yet it serves as a living memory not to neglect the people close to me. for those who still has that wound that hurts, know that it wont go away, but keeping it fresh wont help either. letting it go does not mean it will take away the memories as well, but it definitely will heal that gash in your heart.

YJ

6:45 PMAutumn fun.x